(Originally posted on Sunday, June 14, 2009)
“On how to diaper a baby… Spread the diaper in the position of the diamond with you at bat. Then fold second base down to home and set the baby on the pitcher’s mound. Put first base and third together, bring up home plate and pin the three together. Of course, in case of rain, you gotta call the game and start all over again.”
— Jimmy Piersal, 1968 (baseball player)
All of us fathers started out at the same point with our first child: Ignorant of how to take care of this little bundle of joy. We have waited nine months with our wives as this little one to mature, living with the trials and special needs of our beloved spouse. When the day finally comes, we might be in the delivery room, or we might not be allowed to do so.
While in the hospital, our wives get practice in taking care of this little bundle of joy and she has a cadre of nurses to help out so she can get some sleep. When the mother and baby comes home, look out! Unless you are ‘octomom,’ you will not have this cadre of helpers coming into the home — you become that cadre! As far as feeding is concerned, you are off-the-hook if the wife is nursing; however, if not, you will be expected to help in this process. And, as with all good machines, what goes in must come out the other end of this eating machine — dirty diapers.
Now, whether this is the easy wet diaper or the messy ‘poopy‘ diaper, you will face the TASK. It doesn’t matter that you have passed that critical exam (bar exam, doctoral quals, civil service test, etc.) successfully in the past, this test will TRY YOUR SOUL. In the process, it will also test your dexterity to the limit. After all, isn’t this little bundle of joy fragile? Aren’t you the rookie parent without any PRO experience? Don’t panic.
The above quote will help you to attack the battle of the diaper. Master this skill, your wife will reward you with more than a certificate or degree… She will LOVE you forever!